So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
