your parents love me but you hate me
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
