My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
