By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
