Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
