you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
