went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
