i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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