you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
