as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
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Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
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Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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