i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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