Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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