He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
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Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
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This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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