Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize