do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
