i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
