I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
