what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
