Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
