I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
