My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
