im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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