he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
