We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
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