I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing