Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
This is the prime rib incident all over again
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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