You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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