So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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