ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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