mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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