Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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