It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
