you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
