You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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