just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
