i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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