So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
