Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
