I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
