dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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