I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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