He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
