Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
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