I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
