party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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