singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Randomize
