she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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