Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
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He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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