I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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