well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He passed out mid-signature
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
