mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
