You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
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He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
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Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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