i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
