Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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