Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
