I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have fence marks all over my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize