You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
