he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
