Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
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Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
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One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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