One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
