I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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