You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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