I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
