Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
