I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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