I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
