I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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